I’d have to tell you a few things about me. Be patient with the article, I’ll try not to switch on my talkative mode and I hope you’ll see the point I’m trying to make.
I’m a young lady(at least I like to think so)…honestly though,I’m young. You’d agree that I’m quite young if I told you my age but then I hear ladies are not supposed to jump around screaming their ages and I don’t feel like being strange Daisy today.
I love the social media but I’m not an addict…name it and you’ll see my account there. I am the type of follower that does not really post things but I could spend 30 hours in a day looking at very interesting pages (I know 24 hours make a day).
I study trends a lot, I think it’s interesting. I see one person wearing blue and white and immediately I start to notice it if there’s a blue and white trend. Behavioral trend delights me the most; how people that live in a particular estate don’t enjoy entering okada(Nigerian English for motor bike), how people that studied in a particular school seem to have the same diluted accent, how ladies that go to a particular church like to wear short skirts and bend down so low when the chorister starts to sing etc…
With my “masked addiction” for social media and my interest in recognizing trends, I think I’ve picked up a trend on social media recently… a lot of men are kneeling down in front of their ladies with tiny boxes that contain shiny round jewelries. It’s quite impressive how creative people have become with romantic gestures.
It’s normal if you feel a bit ambushed with the pictures and wedding hashtags trending everywhere so I’ll drop some survival tips.
SURVIVAL RULES DURING THIS CRAZE
1. Be happy for those around you
A common saying goes “when you celebrate other people’s happiness, yours will come and others will celebrate with you”.
It is very common for some people to look at the plenty pictures and pass smirky comments like “the ring looks cheap”, “the guy looks like he was forced”, “isn’t the lady too young for the guy” etc…in between I’ve actually seen this comments
2. Do not be intimidated by the trend
Last week, someone deleted the Instagram app from her phone and as the gist finder that I am, I asked her why. According to her, she felt a little bit “somehow” seeing that all her mates and even her secondary school juniors are getting proposed to. Honestly I don’t blame her, wearing fat jeans made you feel bad when everyone was wearing skinny jeans
But this is the thing, getting married has always and will always be a trend. My mum once told me of igbo concepts called “iku aka” (to knock on the door) and “Iju ese” (to ask about/inquire). Back then(AKA in their days), guys went with their families to knock on doors of ladies. The thing was sooo trendy that as a lady, you and your family would feel so bad if during the whole festive period,no one even passes in front of your door not to talk of knocking. That was like 20+ years ago and truth be told, it’s the same thing that’s happening today; it has just become modified because of social media.
If you feel like you’re being ambushed on social media by the pictures and comments, have a second look at the list of your followers and following and If you’re following wedding and events pages, of course that’s all you’ll see.
3. If you’re not in a relationship, keep yourself busy and happy
Where did the school of thought that said happiness is dependent on relationship/marriage come from? Now you’re single, take your time, focus on your dreams and maintain balance and happiness. This simple nuggets keep you from approaching depression.
And even if you’re in a relationship, invest time in developing yourself and making yourself happy. The law isn’t abolished once you enter a relationship.
4. If you are in a relationship, be open about how you feel and be tolerant of each other’s feelings
Maybe I should dedicate this point to my male readers. MR, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LADY WANTING TO KNOW THE VISION FOR A RELATIONSHIP AND FEELING BAD THAT SHE’S THE ONLY UNMARRIED FRIEND…and surprisingly vice versa.
Let’s use this scenario, remember when skinny jeans stole the center stage of fashion? How did you feel when you wore your fat,flappy and out of fashion jeans? Of course you felt out of a place and pressured to go skinny.
Maybe comparing fashion trend to a life time decision is a bit extreme but trust me, the comparison isn’t so far fetched. People like to jump into a common train and feel a little weird at first if they are left out.
So gentlemen, instead of complaining that a girl is trying to force you into something yore not ready for, listen to the plenty complaints and easy irritability when she comes back from a wedding or engagement party and let her know you’re still there and it’s still two of you in the game.
5. Communication is key
This feels like a repeat of point 4 but you’ll thank me for this point. Communication is key. I’m not talking of sign or body language ooooo, I’m talking of verbal communication.
Communication is very important at every stage of a relationship. Before you make the person start investing emotions, time and sometimes finances, there should be a shared goal and during the relationship, if you feel the person doesn’t fit into your vision, please be vocal about it but not mean. It’s better than allowing the person waste 6 years of his/her life and at the end, you send the person back to the relationship market.
6. Do not settle
This is the biggest temptation that comes with trends. “Everyone is doing”, “I look abnormal not doing this” and then you jump at the nearest oppurtunity to be part of the moving train.
Back to my skinny jeans illustration. Years after the trend, some people cannot stand skinny jeans in their wardrobe because they’ve accepted that it doesn’t fit them.
It’s the same thing…just not the same gravity… and some years from now, people that settle with anyone they see just to sit at the popular table of married people will realize that marriage is more than the social media competition and glam but a very important life decision.
It’s okay to fantasize and dream about proposal and wedding but do not let it suck out the fun each day has to offer. Do not let it scare your partner away or make you rush some important decisions. Remember it’s not always the person who starts the race that gets the gold medal. Don’t feel like a failure because everyone is achieving a particular milestone in their lives.
I want to know you’re coping with this trend. Are you indifferent towards or do you feel affected by it? You can reply via comment section or send a mail.
Have a romantic weekend
Omote- Ese Peters
Omote remix- Ese Peters feat Barzini and Eclipse (if you like a bit of rap in your slow songs)
The song is quite old but it just felt fresh and beautiful while writing this article. Check it out and let me know what you think.