Ogene Igbo presents #letstalkculture tweet chat 


I’m an Igbo girl who is very proud of her culture and heritage.
However I admit that I do not understand a lot of things about our culture so I’m excited to ask questions that will be answered and also listen to the questions and opinions of others.

Ogene Igbo is providing an oppurtunity for Igbos and Igbo lover both home and in the diaspora to learn and have fun while the culture is discussed.

Please endeavor to be a part of this tweet chat 


It’s happening tomorrow 4-6pm and the speakers are amazing when it comes to their passion for the culture.

Here is how to be a part of this tweet chat 

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PROPOSAL CRAZE 


I’d have to tell you a few things about me. Be patient with the article, I’ll try not to switch on my talkative mode and I hope you’ll see the point I’m trying to make.

I’m a young lady(at least I like to think so)…honestly though,I’m young. You’d agree that I’m quite young if I told you my age but then I hear ladies are not supposed to jump around screaming their ages and I don’t feel like being strange Daisy today.

I love the social media but I’m not an addict…name it and you’ll see my account there. I am the type of follower that does not really post things but I could spend 30 hours in a day looking at very interesting pages (I know 24 hours make a day).

I study trends a lot, I think it’s interesting. I see one person wearing blue and white and immediately I start to notice it if there’s a blue and white trend. Behavioral trend delights me the most; how people that live in a particular estate don’t enjoy entering okada(Nigerian English for motor bike), how people that studied in a particular school seem to have the same diluted accent, how ladies that go to a particular church like to wear short skirts and bend down so low when the chorister starts to sing etc…

With my “masked addiction” for social media and my interest in recognizing trends, I think I’ve picked up a trend on social media recently… a lot of men are kneeling down in front of their ladies with tiny boxes that contain shiny round jewelries. It’s quite impressive how creative people have become with romantic gestures.

It’s normal if you feel a bit ambushed with the pictures and wedding hashtags trending everywhere so I’ll drop some survival tips.

SURVIVAL RULES DURING THIS CRAZE 

1. Be happy for those around you

A common saying goes “when you celebrate other people’s happiness, yours will come and others will celebrate with you”.

It is very common for some people to look at the plenty pictures and pass smirky comments like “the ring looks cheap”, “the guy looks like he was forced”, “isn’t the lady too young for the guy” etc…in between I’ve actually seen this comments

2. Do not be intimidated by the trend


Last week, someone deleted the Instagram app from her phone and as the gist finder that I am, I asked her why. According to her, she felt a little bit “somehow” seeing that all her mates and even her secondary school juniors are getting proposed to. Honestly I don’t blame her, wearing fat jeans made you feel bad when everyone was wearing skinny jeans 

But this is the thing, getting married has always and will always be a trend. My mum once told me of igbo concepts called “iku aka” (to knock on the door) and “Iju ese” (to ask about/inquire). Back then(AKA in their days), guys went with their families to knock on doors of ladies. The thing was sooo trendy that as a lady, you and your family would feel so bad if during the whole festive period,no one even passes in front of your door not to talk of knocking. That was like 20+ years ago and truth be told, it’s the same thing that’s happening today; it has just become modified because of social media.

If you feel like you’re being ambushed on social media by the pictures and comments, have a second look at the list of your followers and following and If you’re following wedding and events pages, of course that’s all you’ll see.

3. If you’re not in a relationship, keep yourself busy and happy


Where did the school of thought that said happiness is dependent on relationship/marriage come from? Now you’re single, take your time, focus on your dreams and maintain balance and happiness. This simple nuggets keep you from approaching depression.

And even if you’re in a relationship, invest time in developing yourself and making yourself happy. The law isn’t abolished once you enter a relationship.

4. If you are in a relationship, be open about how you feel and be tolerant of each other’s feelings

Maybe I should dedicate this point to my male readers. MR, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LADY WANTING TO KNOW THE VISION FOR A RELATIONSHIP AND FEELING BAD THAT SHE’S THE ONLY UNMARRIED FRIEND…and surprisingly vice versa.

Let’s use this scenario, remember when skinny jeans stole the center stage of fashion? How did you feel when you wore your fat,flappy and out of fashion jeans? Of course you felt out of a place and pressured to go skinny.

Maybe comparing fashion trend to a life time decision is a bit extreme but trust me, the comparison isn’t so far fetched. People like to jump into a common train and feel a little weird at first if they are left out.

So gentlemen, instead of complaining that a girl is trying to force you into something yore not ready for, listen to the plenty complaints and easy irritability when she comes back from a wedding or engagement party and let her know you’re still there and it’s still two of you in the game.

5. Communication is key


This feels like a repeat of point 4 but you’ll thank me for this point. Communication is key. I’m not talking of sign or body language ooooo, I’m talking of verbal communication.

Communication is very important at every stage of a relationship. Before you make the person start investing emotions, time and sometimes finances, there should be a shared goal and during the relationship, if you feel the person doesn’t fit into your vision, please be vocal about it but not mean. It’s better than allowing the person waste 6 years of his/her life and at the end, you send the person back to the relationship market.

6. Do not settle


This is the biggest temptation that comes with trends. “Everyone is doing”, “I look abnormal not doing this” and then you jump at the nearest oppurtunity to be part of the moving train.

Back to my skinny jeans illustration. Years after the trend, some people cannot stand skinny jeans in their wardrobe because they’ve accepted that it doesn’t fit them.

It’s the same thing…just not the same gravity… and some years from now, people that settle with anyone they see just to sit at the popular table of married people will realize that marriage is more than the social media competition and glam but a very important life decision.

It’s okay to fantasize and dream about proposal and wedding but do not let it suck out the fun each day has to offer. Do not let it scare your partner away or make you rush some important decisions. Remember it’s not always the person who starts the race that gets the gold medal. Don’t feel like a failure because everyone is achieving a particular milestone in their lives.


I want to know you’re coping with this trend. Are you indifferent towards or do you feel affected by it? You can reply via comment section or send a mail.

Have a romantic weekend

xoxo

TalkingDaisy

N.B

Omote- Ese Peters

Omote remix- Ese Peters feat Barzini and Eclipse (if you like a bit of rap in your slow songs)

The song is quite old but it just felt fresh and beautiful while writing this article. Check it out and let me know what you think.

A GIRLS GUIDE TO BEING A GOOD THIRD WHEEL 


To carry everyone along, I’ll explain the concept of a third wheel.

It’s a simple and very familiar concept. Two people are dating and while going on a date, they ask you to join them. You’re the third wheel for that date.

Two months ago, my friend’s “friend” came from obodo oyibo (igbo word which literally means land of white people for example US,UK, Canada, Russia etc). She has been talking about his visit and all I’ve been doing in my mind was preparing my freezer for ice creams and food they’ll buy when they go out. He finally came and she brought him to my place so I see that she has not been lying about having a “friend”(just kidding!!!we live together so it’s almost impossible for me not to meet him). After exchanging few words including asking and answering weird questions about weather and politics, I went to my room to pretend to be busy with my laptop which was almost dead, thanks to the unstable power in my area. I stayed in the room all day hearing them laugh at the top of their voices till I slept off. Around 6 or so in the evening, a knock woke me up, it was my friend, she came to tell me to dress up that he wanted to take us out. As a shy girl who enjoys the comfort of her room, I politely declined and gave the usual “I’ll join you guys next time” answer. After some time, her boyfriend knocked and convinced me to join them and in less than 10 minutes, I was at the backseat of their car praying for an okay third wheel date.

That night out was quite embarrassing for me and to make myself feel better, I’m just going to blame my shy character who gets nervous when meeting people for the first time. I repeated the questions I already asked in the morning; till now they still laugh at me for asking the guy “do you know davido?”. I ate very little that night and 80% of the time was spent on my phone tweeting and pretending to look busy.

I’ve gone out with them few times after that and trust me,I’ve become better at being a good third wheel. The last outing was just a week ago, we spoke about a lot of things including football and funny 2016 Olympic happenings and of course, I finished my food while my phone didn’t need to act as a distraction but a sort of entertainment for us all.

The guide to being a good and not bothersome third wheel is as simple as:

  • Always take your wallet: this is a basic rule whether you’re a third wheel or the actual person going on the date. You never know what can happen and how much the other person has so it’s ideal to take your wallet. It’s very embarrassing when sometimes the bill is more than the budgeted amount, they ask “please who has 500 naira” and  you just sit there with nothing to offer except a timid smile.
  • If there’s a car,do not sit in front except you’re driving or you were asked to sit in front: This seems quite basic but then  I know what I’m saying. I’ve heard stories of people who visit a couple and when they are going out, the visitor jumps infront and sits comfortably. Some ladies are nice, they overlook and just sit at the back but there are some crazy ones that will stand you up and send you to your right spot(which is the backseat).
  • When given the opportunity to order, order considering the pocket of whoever is paying: my sisters that go to restaurant and order all their food fantasies when it’s someone else paying, ITS NOT GOOD OOOOO. Consider the pocket of the person who was nice enough to ask you to join them in the date.
  • Don’t ignore one of them: it’s very natural to want to talk more to the person who is your known friend but it’s important to ignore that natural urge. When you ignore one person, you make the person uncomfortable and left out.
  •  Be comfortable in a little silence: people might have different views on this but this is my own view. You don’t have to talk everytime. If you aren’t comfortable in a little silence and you always see the need to say something, you’ll see yourself saying things you wish to take back or asking silly/offensive questions. 
  • Do not assign yourself the position of relationship counsellor/manager: you’re out as a third wheel not as an ambulatory cousellor. Do not be the person who will start correcting their relationship methods and techniques. In case they start to have issues during the date, do not give your opinion or try to mediate the fight; it’s actually better you excuse yourself. 
  • Do not make the couple feel awkward:  some stares, comments and attitude you give/display can make the people you’re out with feel awkward while on their own date. Don’t also bring up topics that would make the situation weird for the couple. Topics like their past argument and issues your friend discussed with you in private  is a no-go area.
  •  Offer to help when the bill comes: my first reaction when I’m out with a group of people is to starting bringing  out my wallet. Most times, if not everytime I am asked not to worry about paying but I guess the person is happy that I offered. 
  • Never invite someone else except you’ve been asked to: it’s not your date so you play by the rules of the person who invited you. You should not turn someone else’s date to a ceremony by being the +1 who invites another +1.
  • You should say no sometimes:    Sometimes people are just being polite and don’t want to look rude by not inviting you to join them. It’s not a crime to say “no, you guys should go alone this time”. Remember they are a couple and enjoy going on dates alone so you don’t need to take the 3rd wheel status to a professional level by going everywhere with them every time.

Additional tips from someone when you’re the third when you’re the third wheel in a getaway ❤️❤️

  • If it’s a weekend getaway or weekday getaway, do not force yourself to sleep in the same room with the couple…in his words “it’s annoying”
  • Do not stay past 10pm if you decide to hang out in their room for some time
  • Learn how to read signals. “So tired”, “can’t wait to just bath and sleep” might be a way of telling you that you’ve overstayed your welcome

Tell me the tips you’ve used to overcome the awkwardness of being a third wheel

Have a lovely week 💋💋

Talking Daisy

LESSONS I LEARNT FROM MY FIRST LOVE EXPERIENCE 


Every girl has had a first love, it’s just the age at which she had it that differs.

I remember mine so clearly because it was my first love and of course,my first heartbreak.

I was probably 9 years in primary 6 when I started noticing this guy in my class. He was tall(for a 9 year old) and cute(it’s very important I stress for a 9 year old) but one thing that drew me to him was his neatness. Sidney was probably the neatest guy in the class with his 5 days a week well ironed uniform, neat haircut and very neat books and handwriting. On Saturdays, which was our common entrance lesson days,he was always 100% swagged up.

After I realized I had a crush on him, I would follow Sidney everywhere…from assembly ground to classes to tuck shop. Sometimes I’d share my lunch money with him and ensure he got more than I did. We took the same school bus home so I’d rush to the bus once the first bell was rung to keep a space for him just right beside me. When he realized that I had given myself a career in saving seats for people, he made me keep seats for his squad. Me na, as a love struck child, I was gladly doing the job with all my heart.


My crush didn’t last up to a month and then he decided to show himself and my eyes finally opened. My mum gave me this big and very long pencil that was the “in thing” in my school; out of love, I gave it to him. My first heartbreak happened two days after I gave him the pencil, I came to school and I saw he had given another girl(who I hated by the way) my pencil. I can’t forget how I cried and confronted him to return my pencil and he responded that I was shouting because of ordinary pencil so I should chop(eat) my pencil.
The story after that experience is the childish sequalae where we didnt speak after that incident till it was almost time for graduation. Of course, he was left to fend for himself during break time and I didn’t let him sit beside me in the bus(that part got to him)

Some might say “what did a small girl know about love” but that is not the motive of this story.

Childish and silly as the story goes, I learnt 5 salient points. Although the scenario isn’t the same now as we’ve grown past fancy pencils, bus trips and lunch money, the lessons are still the same

  1. If he’s not yours,he’s not yours:there’s no way to sugarcoat it, if someone isn’t meant for you, it won’t just work out for you no matter the soup and delicacies you cook, the skills you use for cleaning and everything you do inside and outside the bedroom. For me, it was seat-saving, lunch sharing and giving him my fancy pencil but now that we’ve grown past that, people are giving way more than that just to “tie a guy down”
  2. If you reduce your worth for a guy,he will really take advantage of you and probably let his friends do the same: remember sidney made me keep seats for him and his friends and I can’t remember any of them saying “thank you” and as if that was not enough, he gave my fancy pencil to another girl and when I confronted him,he called the pencil “ordinary”…typical of many of us now, we just keep reducing our worth and suddenly he doesn’t see the big deal in all you’re doing. May God also bless his friends that shout “our wife” only when they want something but laugh and discuss you behind your back
  3. It’s never alright to be the only one doing the giving: relationships are two-way affairs. Both parties give and both parties recieve; that’s what balances the equation. The moment you’re the only one giving and never receiving, you become drained and we are back to number 1 and 2.
  4. Heartbreaks happen and it gets healed eventually: I don’t think it took up   to 3 days for me to fashi(forget) theSidney’s episode. That’s is the beauty of life and love, life continues and the heart gets stronger.
  5. When you heal, you’ll find reasons to be grateful it didn’t work out between you and him: when I newly joined Instagram, I tried contacting my primary and secondary school alumnus. When I typed Sidney *******, I was shocked. Sidney wasn’t that cute(superficial right…lol) and he looked wasted in more than half of his pictures. I couldn’t believe that was the guy I spent some time drooling over and I was grateful I was older, wiser and way over him. That’s the thing, when you get out of  a physically, emotionally and spiritually draining relationship, it hurts badly but after you heal and repair yourself , you become super grateful it didn’t work out.

If we all sit and think all the past relationships, we will realize we came out with a lesson…it’s just that sometimes we do not take time to learn from mistakes and experiences. Ladies lets open up and share lessons we got from our past relationships or other people’s relationships.

Have a lovely week darlings

xoxo

TalkingDaisy

EXPECTATIONS…THE PERFECT MAN


I grew up around people that expected a lot from me. I was the first daughter of my family so it just made the stakes higher for me; “Oma, be the first in class’, “Oma, do not take stuffs from strangers”, “Oma, set examples for your siblings”etc. Okay na, I’m a grown up lady now and just when I felt everyone will leave me alone, the issue of relationship and marriage has become everybody’s business and expectations have skyrocketed.

SOCIETY

• he should be loaded

• he should come from a high society family or at least have high society friends

• he should be cute enough so the prewedding pictures will make sense and scatter Instagram

• he should be open to the idea of a big society wedding

• did I mention that his name must be able to combine with yours and have a lovely hashtag(#) for the wedding

let me mention at this point that if one follows society, that same society will laugh at them when things go crazy and sour

 

FRIENDS

• he should make us jealous of you small and use you as relationship goals(#relationshipgoal)

• he should not steal you from us, he should still make us feel that you’re still our friend (even my guy friends want this one)

• he might have to get used to hearing our personal whining when you’re not around and we need to talk to someone

• he should be able to mix up with our partners

 

FAMILY

• he should be God-fearing

• he should be Igbo

• he should love and make me happy

• he should be able to fit into the family and get along with members of the family

• he should share my vision and not be the kind of man to pull me backwards

• My dad wants someone that will never raise a finger on his Oma.

• I’m quite sure my grandparents want someone that will massage their account once in a while

 

GOD

• he should be faithful to me and him

• he should be slow to anger

• he should be humble

• he should understand the sanctity of marriage

• he should know his purpose in life

• he should support me in achieving my own purpose in life

• we should raise Godly children

 

ME


With all this plenty expectations, I feel mine should just take a chill pill. I don’t care about society’s expectation though, I feel they control too much of what people do even when they do not contribute anything to the person’s development. For now, I’m not really sure but I’m sure I want to be happy, I want whoever God thinks is right for me(because he knows best) and would make my family proud of me…I guess I just want to be happy, what more can a girl abi lady ask for.

Let’s talk ladies, what are does the society, family, God and you expect in and from your partner?

 

Have a splendid Monday and a week ahead

xoxo

TalkingDaisy

 

 

WORDS AND SYNONYMS…LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND NUDE PICTURES??? 

Oya let’s go back to our primary and secondary school days. Who remembers the topic “words and synonyms”…

 

Mrs. Okafor was the first teacher to teach me this topic and the reason I remember every single word she said was how she taught the topic. She would come with this long cane, those slim ones that can pain well well and then shout with her screechy voice “words and their synonym” , she would then face the board and write some words on the board. We were 30 in a class so she would write 30 words and everyone will answer according to their numbers…of course her cane was not for decoration as it was ever ready to whip you when you got yours wrong. The floggings made me remember every word and its synonym; deliberate and intentional, bizarre and weird…there’s this new one we seem to have added nowadays, one that Mrs. Okafor never told me…long distance relationship and exchanging nude pictures.

 

Let’s not deny this. We’ve had the request to send a picture and some have sent, some have a huge problem with it and some feel it’s a nice way to spice their relationships; whether long distance or not.

I’m not here to preach but I am just going to say what I feel about it and listen to your own views, whether you’re in support of mine or not.

 

There’s this scenario I find quite annoying. I meet a guy I think I like, we keep talking for some time (some don’t have chill to wait for a month) before I hear “send me a naughty picture” or “send me something sexy”… (prssssss, I have been talking to this person and sending full clothed pictures which I thought were pretty or sexy enough and the person still says “send me something sexy” as if the other pictures were pictures of my house and street).

 

The reasons I get for this requests are quite interesting

1. It will make us closer

2. It shows that you trust me enough(I will never understand how trust is equals to nude pictures)

3. It shows you can satisfy my needs

4. I will know that you consider and respect my wants

5. How else will I know we are intimately compatible (nnukwu story for the gods)

6. EVERYONE IS DOING IT (this has to be the most annoying)

 

These are the reasons I say “NO” each time I’m asked to show my “naughty” side

1. You are tormenting yourself and your partner

 


What will happen if I send the picture? How will it relieve the sexual tension that will build up inside you? These are some of the questions I ask. In the words of a friend, who happens to be a guy and this is what he said “I’ve always considered it a torment and torture to the other party, what is the need of seeing what you can’t feel, get hard on something that is out of your reach?”

 

 

2. Changes happen and not all relationships are going to last


We all know how in love we get in every single relationship. We get so in love we feel it is going to last forever and after some time, the relationship becomes a thing of the past. If we send nudes in every one of those relationships, won’t it be a little too much to recover from?

 

3. Not everyone is Kim Kardashian


What will I do if after a nasty break-up he decides to release all the pictures for revenge sake? I am the kind of person that thinks about consequences and I know not all people get famous after their naked pictures and videos are released.

 

4. There’s that one person who deserves everything


There’s always that one person who will make you feel happy that it didn’t work out with anyone else. I don’t know about you sha but I prefer to wait before I start showing myself. Maybe you’re lucky and have found “your” person…lucky you because the person won’t allow you do something you are uncomfortable with.

5. I’m definitely sure my Big Daddy at the top will not be happy

I think this is the biggest reason I don’t send this pictures or videos. I’m a goody-too-shoes girl…LOL and I’m trying to make sure I don’t disappoint our Big Daddy who is sitting up there watching me and guiding me. At this point, you probably already know I’m talking about God, not my daddy (he’s very much alive).
For the mean time, my philosophy for long distance relationship is


Ladies, let me know your honest opinion. Why do you feel it’s okay or not okay to exchange nudes?

 

Enjoy your Saturday ladies

xoxo

TalkingDaisy

 

 

ASO-EBI WAHALA 

Hey darlings,

How’s the public holiday going? Happy new month( even though I know it’s already the second day of a new month)

I need your honest opinion about this…I had an embarrassing moment and I want to know if I deserved it or not.

If you’ve noticed,I tend to mention asoebi frequently and that’s because I am in love with everything that concerns it…the colours,the styles,the patterns and the events that employ them so you can understand why I’m about to take this story personal.

Last week,a colleague invited me for a programme her Aunty was hosting in the church. It was one of those programmes where you can’t just wear jeans and top but you have to go an extra mile with the make up,clothes and shoes and I used my big mouth to promise I’ll make it.

The week of the programme was a very busy one for me(that’s a gist for another day) so I could not even think of what to wear till Saturday night. I scattered my whole wardrobe and turned my bedroom inside out but I could not find anything appropriate for the event. Suddenly I saw it, the green dress we used for a friend’s wedding. This wedding happened last year and I had not worn the dress after that wedding. Looking at the dress and its details, i wondered why I never wore the dress after the wedding and I decided to wear it for this “special” event.

Feeling all cuite(cute) with my green monostrap pencil dress and simple make-up, I moved to my friend’s place which served as the moving point for most of the people she invited for the program. Immediately I entered, instead of hearing compliments like “babe, you killed it”, “darling, you look so good”, I was greeted with a disappointed plus disgusted look from my colleague. You should have seen the shape her mouth took before she said “Oma, is this what you’re wearing for the program”. With all the self control, I managed to ask what was wrong with it instead of saying something as sarcastic as “this is not what I’m wearing, I’m planning to remove it and go to the event naked”. Her answer to my “what is wrong with it” question annoyed me twice as much. According to her, I had worn the dress for asoebi and asoebi sewn as uniform for a particular event such as wedding should not be repeated after it has served its purpose. And after she gave that answer, she added “but you’re looking nice sha” so I’d feel better about the comment, I guess.

I’m very shy, really shy and do not like to feel like I’ve been kept under the spotlight. Usually, I’d have kept quiet and probably gone back to my own house to sleep but I was excited with this new information; NOBODY REPEATS ASOEBI AFTER IT HAS BEEN USED AS UNIFORM FOR AN EVENT. I asked a few girls waiting for us to go to the church and I was surprised, my colleague was not the only person in the room who felt that uniform asoebi should not be repeated, one of them said even if she was forced to repeat it, she won’t put up a picture on Instagram because people might recognize that she had worn it before. A few of them sided me sha.

Here’s my own say after deep thoughts. As a guest, sometimes I pay for the material and then sew it myself( I won’t even mention the amount of money that can sometimes go into looking good for an event); asides buying clothes and sewing, sometimes you have to add one accessory to your stock so you can find perfect match for the material…did I mention shoe, pouch and other necessary evils. After all that, you go for the wedding and spend about maximum of 10 hours and then go back home and remove the dress. At this point, am I supposed to throw the dress away? I usually don’t throw it away sha, i send it to the laundry store and pay money to get it clean…sometimes I order for express just to avoid my clothes staying for too long with the drycleaners ( don’t blame me biko, i watched a movie where dry cleaners were giving clothes sent for washing to people in exchange for money and then rewashed and packaged it for the real owner). After spending all that on the asoebi from it birth(buying and sewing), usage(getting extra accessories and actually going for the wedding) and rebirth(sending it to the laundry store), am I supposed to throw it away?

Ladies, I need to hear on thoughts on this. Will you reuse a dress given for uniform at a wedding or will you just let it rot in your wardrobe?
Cheers ladies and happy new month

xoxo

TalkingDaisy